Some Help For The Helpers

I ran across something for Helpers, in a survivor’s life, that another survivor had shared in a group. I can’t take any credit for this information. But what I can say is this list also was helpful for me as a survivor. It helped to identify things that I may say or do that may be hard for Helpers to understand... because I struggle to understand myself. I wanted to share it out.

Maybe you have seen it before or have some things to add to the list?  Feel free to share it. Survivors need help and often it is just a matter of being a collector of bits of data that you can piece together.  I hope this helps other survivors and helpers.

List of Do's for Support Persons in a Survivor's Life

By Penny Lewis

1. Do take your position of authority in Christ when either of you are going thru spiritual battles.

2. Do have your eyes and face light up when you see her. Survivors do not have much of a joy center in their brain. It is very hard for them to find joy and return to joy after an upset or crisis. Their eyes need to see that you are happy to be with them, no matter how much they are struggling.

3. Do remember she has some trust for you to some degree, no matter how small. 4. DO LISTEN A LOT!!!

4. Do remember when speaking face to face, he/she is looking into your eyes. Many have lied and deceived her without having the guts to look her in the eyes. She needs to see the compassion of Christ in your eyes.

5. Do have a Christ centered life. She will let you know if you don’t, as she can see if Christ shines through you.

6. Don’t put her in a box. She has spent her entire life there.

7. Do pray always.

8. Do decide to walk with her no matter what, even during the times she pushes you away or tries to kick you out of her life. Respond with love and compassion.

9. Do remember her programming says she must be alone, no one can care about her or love her.

10. Do keep trying things to see what helps her. Ask the Lord for patience. Listen to her as to what helps her. Do not disconnect from her physically by getting angry emotionally or spiritually.

11. Enjoy her pets

12. Do what makes HER laugh. The more joy she receives, the better able she is able to handle triggers, re-traumatizations, and obtaining memories.

13. Do believe her.

14. Do put on the Full Armor of God every day!

15. Do remember that God allowed her to be DID. It is a gift to her from God to keep her safe and it is part of His plan to help her and heal her.

16. Do know that you are not alone.

17. Do ask for prayer and support from safe others within the Body of Christ.

18. Do remember if you allow God to work through you to help her, He has many blessings ahead for both of you. You helping the survivor needs to be guided by God, and not from yourself.

19. Do remember and face how you were raised yourself and what you were taught, for your own healing and growth, and also because the enemy will use your past to bring great pain into her already shattered life. Acknowledge it, accept it, and allow God to show you truth and set you free from the lies you believe.

20. Do ask God hard questions about yourself. Do allow Him to work in you and help you become more Christ like.

21. Do know that spiritual attacks are real, along with physical attacks and accessing.

22. Do know that one-line sentences of encouragement are empty and insulting when she is in great pain.

23. Do remember not to change the subject when she is sharing memories of great pain, or explaining programming that she is struggling with.

24. Do encourage her when she is in pain, angry, happy, numb. Encourage her and give her hope when all hope is gone, or she is suicidal.